


You Take It All Away

by myownway



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-05-02
Packaged: 2018-03-19 01:26:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3591174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myownway/pseuds/myownway
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Nogitsune Stiles is left terrified, he can't eat, can't sleep and can't bring himself to talk to anyone. Not Scott, Not his dad, but he finds comfort in someone he never thought he would; Derek. [Set after season 3 but Derek didn't get taken]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on FF.Net, please let me know what you guys think :)

Derek smelt him before he heard him. Stiles always had a unique smell to him, musky but with a little bit of spice and something else that Derek could never put his finger on. Right now the smell of his panic was overriding his other scents. Sensing how scared the teenager was, Derek shot out of bed and made his way downstairs, he could have just jumped out of the window but he had a feeling that would have terrified him even more. By the time he had got downstairs, the sound of footsteps pacing back and forth outside had vanished and Stiles was gone. Derek stood outside confused, he knew no one had taken him, there was no other scents around and he could practically see Stiles running back home, hearing his footsteps. It was late, dark and Derek ran back inside and pulled on his shoes and jumper before heading over to Stiles’s house, he didn’t go in, didn’t climb up to his window to see if he was there. He could feel that he was safe, could hear his pacing again on his bedroom floor this time, and then heard the Sheriff come in. Stiles was home, Stiles was okay. Derek decided he would go back home to bed. 

 

It wasn’t until Derek had heard Scott ‘bitching’ that Stiles hadn’t called or text him back that Derek realised no one knew Stiles was home. After everything that had happened with the Nogitsune his dad had decided they both needed a break from Beacon Hills. In all honesty Derek didn’t think they would come back. Too much had happened, they both deserved a clean slate, especially Stiles. Derek didn’t mention him being home, didn’t tell him all he should do is go round there instead he told him to give him space. Stiles had been through a lot, though none of it really his fault his face would always be associated with death. Alison's death. Scott had just nodded, as though he only just realised that and headed home. Derek just sighed, teenagers could be quite oblivious. 

That night Stiles was back outside his door. He didn’t seem as panicked as the previous night, he was still scared though, his movements still showing the anxiety within him. Derek pulled his shoes on and a jumper and headed downstairs once again. This time Stiles hadn’t ran away, instead he was sitting cross legged on the floor. “For a werewolf you’re not very stealthy.” 

Derek chuckled softly and sat beside him. “I wasn’t trying to be.” 

Stiles just nodded and took a shaky breath. “Were you sleeping?” 

“No.” Derek replied. “When was the last time you slept?” 

“An hour or so ago?” Stiles shrugged. 

“A proper sleep Stiles, were you didn’t wake up screaming,” Derek pressed gently. 

“Months ago.” Stiles replied honestly. Derek didn’t know what to say, he just nodded and placed a hand on his knee giving a comforting squeeze. Stiles looked down at the hand and smiled small. “My dad had me on sleeping pills, but they made me feel like i was drowning in the nightmares.” He whispered. “I wake him up nearly every night, I don’t mean to. But sometimes i don’t even think he’s sleeping himself.” 

“He’s a good man, he cares about you.” Derek smiled. 

“I know that.” Stiles sighed. “I just worry that with me not sleeping and him not sleeping, he’ll be sick and I can’t lose him. He’s all i have.” 

“You’re not going to lose him.” Derek assured him. 

“I hurt a lot of people. Maybe not me, but my face...What if someone wants revenge?” Stiles panicked. Derek knew this was just a crazed thought, but he didn’t want to tell Stiles that. Derek had a feeling he was the first person he had opened up to about all of this. 

“I don’t think anyone will want revenge Stiles, everyone knows it wasn’t you. But, i promise I will look out for him, okay?” 

“You’ll do that for me?” Stiles asked. “After all that I did?” 

“Stiles, you didn’t do anything.” Derek said softly. “You’re shaking. Come on, let’s get you inside. You can sleep here.” Derek stood up and practically picked Stiles up, he was weak, thin. He wondered when the last time he had a proper meal inside of him. Stiles didn’t say anything as Derek steered him to the bedroom. He didn’t say anything when Derek sat him on the bed and took his shoes off for him. 

“This is your bed.” Stiles whispered as Derek laid him down. 

“It is.” Derek shrugged as he draped the blanket over him. “I’ll be in the living room okay?” 

“Okay.” Stiles whispered back. “Thank you Derek.”

“Nothing to thank me for. Get some sleep, shout if you need me.” Before Derek could even finish his sentence Stiles was already fast asleep. Derek padded out to the living area and sat down on the sofa. He reached for his phone and sent a text to Stiles’s dad, letting him know that Stiles was here and was okay. He got a text straight away, he could picture the Sheriff sitting anxiously with his phone in his hand waiting for someone to text him. The Sheriff thanked him for letting him know and Derek put his phone away, he laid back on the sofa, his feet dangling over the arm of the chair and he closed his eyes trying to capture a few hours of sleep, knowing it wouldn’t be long before Stiles would wake up screaming.


	2. Chapter 2

It was just coming to six in the morning when Stiles woke up screaming. His whole body was covered in sweat and his breathing coming out in short panicked gasps. “Stiles, Stiles!” Derek’s voice was loud in his ears but Stiles couldn’t focus on it. All he could see was blood. Blood he had been the cause of. Derek wrapped his arms around Stiles’s skinny frame, he pressed his chest against his hoping it would help calm his breathing. “Listen to me Stiles. You’re okay. You’re safe.” 

“So much blood.” Stiles said in a sad whisper, Derek hated how much fear was in the young boys voice. 

“Just a dream.” Derek said hoping it would soothe him. “You’re awake now. You’re safe.” 

“Not a dream. A memory. So many dead.” That was enough for Stiles to break down against him. Heavy sobs left his body as he trembled in Derek’s arms. 

The older man didn’t know what to do. This was something he was definitely not used to. He just held him, making him feel as safe as he could in his arms and gently rocked him, whispering that it would all be okay. To his relief that seemed to do the trick and Stiles calmed down against him and ten minutes later they were in the same position, neither wanting to move away. 

“Okay?” Derek asked, his voice unusually soft. Stiles nodded against him. “Want to talk about it?” A shake of Stiles’s head. “Okay, you don’t have to. It’s going to be okay.” 

“Wish i believed you.” Stiles whispered and pulled back. “Sorry for…”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” Derek assured him. “Why don’t you go and have a shower and I will make you some breakfast.” 

“I feel sick, I’m not hungry. But I’ll take the shower.” Stiles replied.

“Okay,” Derek sighed. “The bathroom is through there, I’ll put some fresh clothes out for you.” 

“Kay. Thanks.” Stiles said quietly. He stood up and headed to the bathroom, too much in a daze to notice how modern Derek’s bathroom was. Before everything happened with the Nogitsune Stiles was sure he would have had comments to say about it, sarcastic witty comments that would have left Scott with a ‘i can’t believe you just said that’ look. But that was months ago now. Now Stiles didn’t even have the energy to think about the shampoo he was using. He washed the sweat away, not keeping his eyes closed for too long, when he did all he saw was bodies. 

“Clothes by the door.” Derek’s voice called in. 

“Kay.” Stiles said back not wanting to ignore him, but couldn’t think of anything else to say. He found a towel on the rack and wrapped it around himself as he picked up the fresh clothes. He pulled them on slowly, Derek’s strong scent was oddly comforting but he tried not to dwell on it. He towel dried his hair and walked out to the kitchen. 

“I know you said you weren’t hungry, but I made some toast. You’re hungry. I can hear your stomach.” Derek said putting the plate of toast on the small table. 

“Gross.” Stiles mumbled, he thought he saw Derek smile at that. Derek must have thought he sounded like his old self. Stiles sat quietly at the table and picked the crust off and started to eat the toast slowly; trying not to think about Derek’s eyes boring into his skin. 

“I can drive you back home after you’ve eaten if you want.” Derek said, breaking the silence that had fallen over the room. 

“I can walk. Don’t want to be a bother.” Stiles replied quietly. 

“You’re not a bother Stiles. At all.” He said softly. 

Stiles nodded slowly, he didn’t really fancy the twenty minute walk home. He could still feel his legs aching from running there the night before. “Okay then. Thank you.” He said softly and walked back into the bedroom to put his sneakers on. 

“Ready?” Derek asked. Stiles just nodded weakly, he didn’t really want to go home. It wasn’t anything to do with his dad, he loved him dearly; but he knew his dad would have been worried and knew there would be an awkward conversation about what he’s feeling and Stiles just didn’t want to have that yet. “You can hang out here a little bit if you don’t want to go home just yet,” Derek offered. 

“I…” Stiles bit his lip. 

“I wouldn’t mind. Just put a film on if you like.” Derek said when he saw how nervous Stiles looked. 

“Are you sure?” Stiles asked softly. “I don’t want to be…”

“If you’re going to say a bother…” Derek said, an almost smile on his lips. “I’ve already told you you’re not.”

“Okay.” Stiles said looking down. “Thanks Derek.” 

“Don’t worry. I don’t have many films, I prefer reading but I’m sure you’ll find something.” Derek smiled, he stood up and headed into the front room, Stiles followed quickly. He kicked his sneakers back off and sat on the sofa, his legs tucked underneath him as Derek switched the television on and handed him the remote. “Pick what you want.” 

Stiles thanked him and took the remote, he couldn’t find anything to put on so just put a morning talk show on, it wasn’t what he normally watched, but right now losing his thoughts in a segment called ‘you’re sleeping with my brother, prove your baby is mine’ sounded much better than thinking about everything he had going on in his mind. Derek looked up and saw what he was watching and raised an eyebrow but he didn’t say anything. He could tell that Stiles wasn’t really paying attention to it. Derek just took a book from his shelf and started to read, an odd content feeling washed over him, he tried not to think too much on it and just lost himself in the book. 

Half an hour later, Derek put his book to go and get a drink when he turned and saw Stiles fast asleep on the sofa. His legs tucked under his body, and his head resting on the arm of the chair. Derek couldn’t help but smile a soft sad smile, Stiles looked far too young to have been through everything that he had been through. He went to the bedroom and grabbed a throw and wrapping it gently around Stiles and turned the television down. He heard a soft whimper coming from Stiles and watched as he slept, and in that moment as Stiles scrunched his eyebrows together trying to push the nightmares away, Derek promised himself that he would never let anything bad happen to Stiles again.


	3. Chapter 3

Derek groaned at his phone two hours later. Scott was coming over, it was urgent. He looked over at Stiles who hadn’t woken up and he had a feeling this was the longest time he had slept since he had been back. Derek hated that he needed to wake him up, he knew the young boy didn’t want anyone to know he was back yet and Scott coming over and seeing him would only cause more of a headache for the young boy. Slowly, he walked over to him and crouched down. 

“Stiles,” He said softly, giving his shoulder a gentle shake. “Stiles wake up.” 

Derek decided as Stiles was waking up, as his eyes scrunched up as the light creeped in, as he used fists to wipe his eyes that it was clearly the cutest thing Stiles had ever done, and he couldn’t help but smile. Seeing Stiles wake up like this instead of screaming from nightmares made him feel a little more at ease, though he wish he hadn’t had to wake him at all. 

“Oh crap, sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” Stiles went into panic mode straight away, he sat up quickly looking around. 

“Hey it’s okay.” Derek said gently. “I’m only waking you because Scott is coming over. And I know he doesn’t know you’re back yet,”

“Oh right, thank you.” Stiles whispered. “I am sorry for falling asleep though,” 

“Don’t be. You had a good sleep though?” 

“Yeah. Surprisingly yeah.” Stiles nodded as he spoke. 

“Good. Want me to give you a lift home?” Derek asked, it was his turn to be surprised when Stiles said yes.

“What about Scott?” Stiles frowned as he pulled his sneakers on and gathered his things. 

“He’ll just have to wait.” Derek said with a shrug of his shoulders. They walked downstairs to Derek’s car and Stiles got in the front seat. 

“Thank you for letting me sleep.” Stiles said softly as Derek started to drive the car. 

“No problem, you can come over any time.” Derek said with a smile, and he truly did mean his words. He could tell that just by being here with him it calmed Stiles down and that was all that he wanted. Maybe once Stiles was calm he would be able to move past what had happened, stop blaming himself for everything and be the young teenage boy who enjoyed goofing around and hanging around with his friends. 

“Thanks.” Stiles whispered as he stared aimlessly out of the window. “Sometimes I wish Scott didn’t become a werewolf.” He said quietly. “Everything was less fucked up then.” 

“I’m sorry.” Derek said quietly. 

“Not your fault.” Stiles frowned. “Well...Not really, you can’t blame yourself for crazy ass relatives.” 

“True.” Derek said with a small chuckle. “But I am sorry that it happened to you. Seeing all of your friends change around you must be tough,” 

“No, that’s not it at all.” Stiles said shaking his head. “I’m not jealous that Scott is this hairy thing. No offense.” He said with a wider smile and Derek decided he would let that dig slide. “I’m just… Life was easier. Four years ago the biggest worry me and Scott had was making it to school on time after staying up all night playing games on the computer. Now it’s the continuous worry about monsters and what one of my friends is going to die next.” As Stiles was talking tears began to slip down his cheeks and he just let them. “You know when me and my dad left, we weren’t coming back.” He whispered. “We were just going to settle down, somewhere quiet. But all i kept thinking was, ‘oh i wonder if that guy over there is a flesh eating monster’ or ‘hey dad that person is looking at me funny i think it is possessed by something’.” 

“Stiles…” 

“I came back because as horrible as this place makes me feel, as evil as the things that live here are, I feel safe.” He whispered. 

“We will keep you safe, Stiles. I will keep you safe.” Derek promised. 

“No, you’ll keep my dad safe Derek. I don’t deserve it. I killed people.” He said quietly and got out of the car once it was parked and walked into the house. 

 

“Hey kid, you okay?” The Sheriff's voice was soft and calm and Stiles hated it. He had snuck out at night time, been out all night, he should be getting yelled at, grounded, not this. 

“I just needed some air.” Stiles said honestly.

“Okay, you know I might not really understand what you’re going through, but if you ever want to talk. You know that I am here for you.” That was all it took for Stiles to rush over into his arms and hold on for all he had. He didn’t care how old he was, or if he didn’t really fit in his fathers arms like he used to, this was what he needed. 

“I don’t know how to talk about it to you. I can’t see your face without seeing disgust.” Stiles said so quietly he was sure that his father hadn’t heard him. 

“Stiles, look at me.” His voice with still soft, but a little sterner. Stiles looked up at him, and even though he saw the gentle eyes that had watched over him all of his life, he still saw something behind them. Hatred, disgust. It made him feel sick.

“I do not hate you. I do not feel disgusted by your actions. It wasn’t you.” He said strongly, his arms holding Stiles so he was looking up at him. “I love you. You are my son. I could never hate you. Terrible things happened, Stiles, terrible things happened to you. I can only imagine how scared you were. I saw how much you tried to fight it. You are brave, and strong and I am proud that you are my son.” 

Stiles didn’t know what to say, he just looked down and nodded weakly. He didn’t believe it not really. He wanted to, but his head was filled with so much doubt, so many memories. Blood. Bodies piling up around him. That laugh. Stupid riddles. 

“Stiles. Stiles!” His father’s voice was shouting now and as he caught a shaky breath he realised he had been slipping into a panic attack, he didn’t know how long he was there for, surrounded by things that made him scared to close his eyes. But when he finally calmed down, he was on the sofa, his dad had his arms tightly around him and the illusion of being safe washed back over him. 

“Dad…” Stiles whispered. 

“It’s okay son, you don’t have to say anything.” He promised and kissed his head. “Not yet.” 

“I don’t know if i could ever talk to you about what happened.” Stiles said quietly. 

“That’s fine,” His dad was still so gentle with him, though he was sure he heard a little bit of hurt. “But I want you to talk to someone. You’re not bottling this up. How about Scott?” 

“No! Not him. He doesn’t need to be worried about me. He’s still getting over A…” he couldn’t say her name. She was dead because of him. 

“He’s worried about you. He keeps phoning my mobile. I’m surprised he doesn’t know we’re back yet.” 

“He probably doesn’t care.” Stiles whispered. “Probably wishes we weren’t.” 

“That’s not true.” His dad sighed. “Okay not Scott...How about Derek?” 

“Derek?” Stiles repeated. “That’s where you were last night. Maybe talk to him about what’s going on in that head of yours.” 

“I’ll try dad.” Stiles said quietly. He didn’t know whether he was lying or not.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has subscribed to this already :)

Stiles couldn’t hide away forever. He spent another week in the house, since telling his dad that he would go to speak to Derek if he needed someone to talk to, Stiles hadn’t gone to visit the older werewolf. He couldn’t bring himself to, no matter how much he wanted to. Being around Derek made him feel comfortable, made him feel as though it was okay to move on from everything that had happened, but it wasn’t. Stiles didn’t deserve to feel happy or to forget about all of the pain he had caused. Maybe that was why he decided it was time to see Scott. As much as his best friend tried he could never hide his feelings from his face. Stiles could always read what he was thinking. 

Knocking on the door was a weird feeling for Stiles; he was so used to just walking in, he even had a key that he had used many of times in the past. Using it now would feel like he was trespassing. Scott might not even want to see him. He was part of the reason why Alison was dead. Scott should hate him. 

“Stiles…” It was Melissa who answered. Melissa had always been so kind to him, always treated him like a son. Stiles couldn’t even look her in the eye. He could have killed her. “Oh Stiles.” She whispered and pulled him into her arms. It took Stiles completely off guard and it took a few moments for him to react and wrap his arms weakly around her, this only made her hold him tighter. “Let me look at you.” She breathed and held him at arms length. Melissa’s heart broke all over her face when she saw how skinny, how withdrawn the former energetic, excitable young boy was. “Oh Stiles.” 

“Is Scott in?” Stiles asked quietly, he didn’t want to talk about how he was doing. Didn’t want to answer any questions about where he’s been. He didn’t really know what he wanted. 

“School started back today…” Melissa said gently. 

“Oh right. Yeah.” Stiles mentally kicked himself. It was September. Of course school had started back. 

“Do you want to come in and wait?” She asked and Stiles could hear how much she wanted him to. She wanted to fuss and worry about him and Stiles couldn’t have that. He didn’t deserve that. 

“No. I should go and help my dad. Will...can you let Scott know I’m back?”

“Of course. I’m sure he will be over once I’ve told him. Come over whenever you want okay?” 

“Okay. Thanks.” Stiles nodded and made a quick exit. 

 

“You’re back early, how did it go?” Stiles’ father asked once Stiles walked into the house. Stiles had intended to go straight to his room, put on a mind numbing film and then just hopefully fall into a dreamless sleep, though the last one was very rare. Every night he still woke up terrified. 

“He’s at school.” Stiles sighed walking into the living room. His dad was watching the sports highlights. Stiles sat on the sofa focusing his eyes on the television. 

“I bet he’ll be here by five past three.” Sheriff laughed lightly. Just like Melissa thought of Stiles as a son he thought the same about Scott. 

“Probably.” Stiles said, his stomach filling with dread. What if Scott came over just to tell him he hated him? It would be what he deserved but it wouldn’t be what he wanted. 

“When you’re ready for school, let me know.” Sheriff said as a silence washed over them. 

“What if I’m not ever ready?” Stiles whispered looking up at him. It was a thought that had been going round his head as he had walked home from Scott’s house. He wasn’t ready to face everyone. He couldn’t sit in class pretending that everything was fine when it wasn’t. 

“Then we will figure something out. If it means moving somewhere permanently so you can move on from this, then that’s what we will do.” The Sheriff’s voice was so gentle that it made Stiles’ heartache. His father would give up everything for him. “Until you decide we will arrange for your work to be brought home, you’re a smart boy, perhaps a few online tuition in some classes you’ll be able to keep up. I’m sure Lydia will help you.” Stiles nodded weakly. Lydia was another person he couldn’t bring himself to face. 

“Okay.” Stiles said feeling like he needed to say something. “thanks.” Stiles wasn’t sure if his dad was going to reply, he didn’t get a chance to find out as there was a knock on the door. The Sheriff headed to the door and Stiles was preparing to hear Scott’s name but he was surprised and shocked to hear his father welcome Derek into the house. 

“Hey Stiles…” Derek looked extremely awkward to be standing in their living room. The Sheriff looked slightly amused by the look on his face and excused himself, saying he was going to head to the station. Stiles didn’t know whether to be relieved that he was leaving or not. 

“Hi… What are you doing here?” Stiles frowned. 

“You haven’t been over in a while. I just wanted to see if you were okay.” Derek said honestly. 

“I’m okay. Sorry…” Stiles didn’t know why he was apologising. Surely Derek should be relieved that he wasn’t coming over in the middle of the night? 

“Why are you sorry?” Derek frowned. Stiles frowned when Derek moved and sat beside him on the sofa. 

“For… I really don’t know.” Stiles sighed. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” Derek assured him. “Have you been sleeping?” 

“On and off.” Stiles shrugged. 

“Eating?” 

“On and off.” Stiles looked down. Whenever he ate he would feel sick, his stomach would twist and turn and he would have to throw it up. 

“You’re losing a lot of weight.” Derek commented, his voice too gentle, too full of worry for Stiles liking. 

“I went to Scott’s house.” Stiles blurted wanting to change the subject. 

“How did it go?” Derek asked. 

“He wasn’t there. School’s started.” 

“Ah.” Derek nodded. “He’ll be excited to know you’re back. He talks about you every day. Wanting you to answer your phone…” 

“I keep thinking he’s going to hate me.” Stiles said quietly looking down. “Or worse it will go back to normal and everything will feel like it’s getting back to normal.” 

“Why is that worse?” Derek asked gently. 

“Because deep down I can’t bring myself to want that. As much as i am trying, I just don’t think that I deserve that.” He sighed sadly. 

“I get that.” Derek said gently. “But you can’t shut yourself from the world, Stiles.” 

“Why can’t i?” Stiles whispered sadly. 

“Because I won’t let you.” Derek said taking his hand and giving it a soft squeeze. Stiles was a little taken back by the touch but missed it when Derek pulled away. “Scott is on his way, come to mine tonight?” 

“What for?” Stiles frowned. 

“Just come.” Derek said rolling his eyes and walked out of the back, just as Scott knocked on the door. Stiles took a deep breath, not knowing if he was ready for this or not.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the Kudos :)

Stiles goes to the door slowly, his body shaking. What was Scott going to do or say to him? Knowing Scott he would wrap his arms around him and tell him it was all going to be okay and he was there for him. Stiles opened the door just as Scott knocked cashing the werewolf to fall forward slightly.

"Hey." Scott said staring at his best friend.

"Hey." Stiles said back, his voice nervous. He moved away from the door so Scott could walk in. They headed up to Stiles bedroom and both sat quietly on the bed.

"I'm glad you're home." Scott said quietly, breaking the tension that folded between them. "I've missed you man."

"I've missed you too." Stiles brought his hand to the back of his neck trying to rub the stress away. "I'm sorry for..."

"Stiles you have nothing to be sorry for. You're my best friend. You're my brother. Stiles your my pack... I... I should have protected you."

"I... No Scott you did what you could... If I hadn't been so weak, it never would have been able to trick me. I'm the reason why so many people got hurt. I'm...Alison would still be here if it wasn't for me."

"Do you really believe that?" Scott whispered.

"I can't not believe it." Stiles breathed. "Every time I close my eyes I feel as though it's back inside my head."

"He's gone Stiles. He's never coming back. You helped destroy him. You're strong." Scott stressed. His voice now becoming louder, more determined. "If it hadn't happened to you it would have happened to someone else. Then who knows what would have happened. You could have been the one to die..."

"I wish it had been me Scott. I can't stand living like this." Stiles broke down, his body sobbing and trembling. Scott did the only thing he could think of and that was wrap his arms around his best friend and hold him. The last time Scott had held him like this was when Stiles mom had died. Stiles had stayed at their house for the first few months after and every night stiles sobbed himself into a heart breaking sleep and the only way he calmed down was with Scott's arms around him. Scott just hoped it worked now, he didn't know what else to do.

 

Stiles woke up with a shaky breath, the nightmares slipping away and he counted to 10, telling himself at every number that it was just a dream. No one cod hurt him. Then be felt arms around him and he instantly thought he was back there, being pulled back into the darkness. But then Scott mumbled something about puppies and Stiles slowly relaxed. Scott was there with him no one could hurt him.

"Lay back down." It's Scott's voice that brings him back from his daze and he turns and sees his best friend awake and looking at him; his brows knitted in concern.

"In a minute." He whispered and reached for his medication, he wasn't sure it was helping anymore. It was supposed to calm him, take away his nerves, his anxiety but there were days where all he wanted to do was hide away in a corner and not see anyone.

"You okay?" Scott asked waking up a little more.

"M'fine." It was a standard response , Stiles didn't know if he was okay or not so he would just say that. "You should probably go home now."

"Why?" Scott asked. Stiles thought he could hear a little disappointment in his voice, but he didn't want to believe that either.

"I want to be on my own. I'm going to have a shower and then going to see my dad."

"I can wait... Take you there?"

"I can go by myself. I'm fine. I just... My head feels really busy and I just want some time on my own. Thank you for coming." Stiles said, his nails pinching into his knuckles.

Sighing, Scott just nodded defeatedly. "Fine." He said and stood up. "Are you going to come to school tomorrow?"

"No... I'm not too sure when I'm going to come back." Stiles didn't want to add that he might not ever go back to school, he didn't want his friend to be any more upset.

"Okay well I will bring your work tomorrow? Help you if you want?"

"Sure. Thanks." Stiles nodded "I'm going for a shower now. I'll text you or something." Stiles didn't say anything else, he just walked into the bathroom and locked the door. He waited until he was certain that Scott was gone before he let out the sob he was holding out.

Stiles couldn't explain the reason he was crying now. Maybe it was partly down to the fact that he was constantly terrified. Constantly waiting to fall back into the darkness. Maybe it was because be was sure Scott would have hated him, and now his friend was acting as if everything was okay made Stiles feel even worse. Of course everything was not okay. People were dead and it was his fault. Stiles could feel the rage burning through him, his body was becoming hot and his breathing started to come in short gasps. Standing up he started to pace, quick, frantic steps back and forth trying to calm it down. He walked over to the mirror, he hated the boy he saw staring back at him. The rage became too much and he reached out, punching the glass and watching as it shattered around him. 

“Fuck!” He cursed loudly staring down at his bloodied knuckles. Stiles walked back to the door and slid down it, his body pressed against the cool wood as he stared at the blood now dripping between his fingers. The stinging pain had gone, and so had the rage, as he watched the blood drizzle to the floor he couldn’t help but feel a little calmer. He closed his eyes trying to relish in that feeling. It didn’t last long, he faintly heard the door opening and closing downstairs. He stood up wincing a little as he put some weight on his hand and then ran it under the sink. The stinging pain was back, shooting up and down his arm but it almost felt good. It felt like what he deserved. He cleaned it up as best as he could and then pulled on some fresh clothes before making his way downstairs. 

“Stiles, is Scott still here?” His dad called as he made his way into the kitchen. 

“No, he left.” Stiles said walking in. 

“Oh, but everything is okay between the two of you?” He asked. 

“Yeah. Guess so. That’s a lot of grocery bags.” Stiles frowned watching as his dad was putting the shopping away. 

“We are having company for dinner.” His dad said, turning around and seeing him. He instantly gasped and rushed over when he saw the state his son’s hand was in. “What the hell happened?” 

“I had a fight with the mirror.” Stiles said knowing there probably wasn’t any point in lying. 

“It looks bad, I’m going to call Melissa to come and check it out.” 

“It’s fine. It’s just cut. It’s not even sore. Who’s coming over?” Stiles asked helping him unpack the groceries, relishing in the pain he felt whenever he flexed his fingers. 

“Derek.” His father’s voice said. “I thought if he came over you two could talk…” 

“Dad…” 

“Don’t dad me. He just wants to help you, and so do I.” His father’s voice was final and Stiles knew there was no point in arguing. “He’ll be over in an hour.” 

“Okay.” Stiles said shaking his head, he didn’t have the energy to be angry with his dad for this. He walked upstairs and sat on his bed, ignoring him calling up for him to help him. He just laid on his bed and took a shaky breath. Derek was coming over for dinner. Yeah, he could handle this.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six 

Stiles stayed up in his room just lying on his bed trying to get his head around everything that had happened recently. He was back at Beacon Hills, no one seemed to hate him for everything that he had done, no one but himself. Scott was his best friend as though nothing had happened between them, he saw past the nogitsune and just saw his friend who was so lost. Stiles just wanted people to see him for what he was, a murderer. 

The doorbell rang cutting Stiles out of his thoughts, he sat up slowly and wandered downstairs, in no hurry to spend the evening with Derek and his dad. Separate he could handle, but together, he knew for sure that they would both just gang up on him. Make him talk about his feelings, make him express his thoughts and his feelings and try to convince him that life could be better now. When he went downstairs he saw Derek standing somewhat awkwardly in the living room, his father trying to make small talk. 

“Stiles, you finally came down.” His father said watching him. Stiles just shrugged, he didn’t know what to say, he just stood there mirroring Derek’s awkward pose, only he was holding his hand that was still bleeding. 

“What happened to your hand?” Derek asked walking over to him, before Stiles could say anything Derek had his hand in his examining it. “That needs stitches.” 

“I’ll call Melissa.” The Sheriff spoke and Stiles rolled his eyes. He did not want to be the reason for his dad to call Melissa, surely he would just ask her out already? 

“No need. I can do it. I’ll go and get my first aid box from the car.” Derek said and walked out before Stiles could detest. 

“I know you don’t want him here…” His dad’s voice was soft. 

“I didn’t say that.” Stiles mumbled. “I just… What are we going to talk about? All we have in common is the pain that I put everyone through.” 

“That’s not true.” His father didn’t sound sure as he spoke. “I just thought you were friends…” 

“Friends?” Stiles frowned. Were they friends? Did Derek do friends? 

“He cares about you, and you go to him when you need someone to talk to. That sounds a lot like friendship to me.” His father smiled. “And he has helped you a lot already. I just thought dinner would be nice, help you become more social.” 

“I…” 

“I can ask him to go?” His father offered. “I sprung it on you… I’m sorry son.” 

“It’s fine dad. Dinner will be...okay.” He said quietly. Though truthfully he wasn’t sure. Derek came back in and Stiles sighed when he saw the first aid box, how many times has that box been used when one of them had been injured. How many stitches has Derek had to do on his family, his loved ones? He looked down at his hand almost feeling guilty, but the pain that was soaring through his fingers every time he flexed them felt good, pushing any other thoughts away. 

Whilst Derek took Stiles into the living room, his dad busied himself in the kitchen, Stiles knew his father didn’t want to see Derek treating his hand, and he knew he should feel selfish again, he had caused this, caused his dad to see him in pain, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. 

“Don’t get used to the pain Stiles.” Derek’s voice was quiet, and Stiles wondered how he knew what he was thinking. “When my family...After the fire, i went down such a dangerous path, drink, drugs, self harm. All the feelings in my head and my heart that i couldn’t control. I thought that i could take it away. Drink a little more every night, cut a little deeper. It only caused more pain in the end.” 

“How...How did you stop?” Stiles hissed slightly as Derek started to stitch the cuts on his hand. 

“Honestly, I think i just woke up one day and realised what I was doing was stupid. I just had to stop.” 

“Wish I could wake up one day and everything could stop.” Stiles whispered. He didn’t want to think about Derek in pain, it made his heart ache. 

“You’re the only one that’s stopping that happening, Stiles.” Derek’s voice was calm and Stiles looked at him as though he had screamed at him. His words like bullets in his head. 

“What do you mean?” He whispered. 

“None of us believe that what happened was your fault. It was a horrible thing, it was more than horrible but it wasn’t you. You were controlled, when you realised what was happening Stiles you tried to lock yourself away, you tried to get help.” 

“I was weak…”

“You were brave.” Derek protested. Stiles just shook his head, how could he have been brave? “But the point is, whether you believe that you were brave or weak, is that we can’t change it. We will never be able to change what happened in the past, I had to accept that when i realised I couldn’t change what happened to my family, but i could change what happened next. I could go on living but not really living, or i could move on…” 

“That worked out really well for you.” Stiles sighed. 

“I’m not saying my life is perfect, Stiles. But it’s better than what it could have been.” Derek finished his hand and wrapped it in a bandage to keep it clean. 

“I don’t know what to do.” Stiles breathed. 

“Baby steps.” Derek promised. “Take it day by day. I can help you.” 

“Why?” Stiles asked quietly. “Why would you want to do that? We’re not friends…” 

“We could be.” Derek shrugged. “I care about you.” 

“You do?” Stiles gasped. 

“I do.” Derek shrugged. “Come on dinner is ready.” He said and walked into the kitchen leaving Stiles on the sofa mulling everything Derek had said over and over again in his head. Baby steps, he thought as he made his way into the kitchen.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 

Dinner went surprisingly okay, Stiles had been wrong to assume that the conversation would be around him and what had happened, but that hadn’t been the case. Derek didn’t ignore him not really, but he did spend a lot of time talking to Stiles’ dad about how he was finding being back at Beacon Hills. Stiles tuned in and out of conversation, only half listening to his dad talk about the new officers at work, and the boring normal cases they were dealing with. Apparently the most exciting thing happening around the area at the moment was someone stealing laundry off of people’s washing lines. Stiles was surprised to find out that Derek did odd jobs around the town, Stiles wasn’t too sure why this surprised him, he just figured that Derek spent his time in his apartment brooding, not have what sounded like a normal job. 

“Why are you smirking?” Derek asked looking at Stiles with an amused smile. 

“I just didn’t realise you were well...normal.” Stiles shrugged as he took a spoonful of his salad. 

“Well being a sourpus werewolf can be a little boring sometimes.” Derek winked and Stiles was surprised once more this evening, this time by himself for laughing at Derek’s joke. His dad and Derek were shocked too but masked it quickly with a smile. 

It wasn’t until dinner was finished that the subject turned to Stiles. “Have you thought about what you’re going to do now you’re back?” Derek asked softly. Stiles was at least grateful that his father had a call that he needed to take and was in the yard talking heatedly on the phone. 

“I don’t...The idea of going to school is terrifying.” Stiles said honestly. “Seeing Scott today...It… I know he doesn’t hate me, he doesn’t blame me. But...I can’t help but see pain whenever I see him.” Stiles whispered. “I’m...I’m pretty close to having a nervous breakdown. I can feel it in my chest. Nerves, shaking...My thoughts...I smashed that mirror earlier wanting to hurt myself, Derek. Wanting to feel something over then fear and guilt.” Stiles didn’t know what he was saying, but he couldn’t stop. “And I know that something is going to happen again because let’s face it, it’s Beacon Hills, home to every crazy demon and monster and all that crap, and Scott’s Scott and he’ll want to save the town, hell next he’ll probably want to save the world, and I know I won’t be able to handle that.. And I can’t...I can’t break because I can’t leave my dad.” Stiles thought he should be crying, he felt like he should be crying. But maybe he just couldn’t cry anymore. 

“What you’re feeling...It’s normal.” Derek assured him. “You’ve seen some terrifying things here, since everything that has happened with Scott...But nothing has really ever happened to you...and now it has you don’t know how to deal with that, but it’s fine.” He promised. “Because no one is expecting you to just wake up one day and act as though nothing had happened, but we are all here for you.” 

“I just feel so weak.” Stiles whispered. 

“I’ve told you before Stiles, you are not weak. Never have I thought of you as weak. Annoying...yes…” 

“Thanks.” Stiles said with a half smile. “I just...I don’t like feeling so...useless.” 

“What do you think will make you not useless?” Derek countered. 

“I don’t know.” Stiles shrugged. “Being able to handle situations.” 

“You want me to make you a wolf?” Derek asked. 

“What?” Stiles’ eyes went wide. “No!” 

“Then what do you mean?” Derek frowned. 

“I…” Stiles looked at him. “Can you teach me how to fight?” Stiles whispered. 

Derek thought about it; teaching Stiles how to fight would be good for him, it would work as a distraction, make him feel powerful, give him a purpose, but mostly it would help him work through everything that he was feeling. “Okay.” Derek nodded. “I’ll teach you how to protect yourself.” 

“Thank you.” Stiles said, his mood lifting at the thought. 

“You won’t be thanking me when we get started. I’m not going to go light on you.” 

“Didn’t think you would.” Stiles chuckled as his dad walked back in, a grim look on his face. “You have to go?” Stiles asked, he recognised that look. 

“Hopefully I won’t be long.” The Sheriff sighed. “I’m sorry kiddo.” 

“Don’t worry dad.” Stiles promised. “I’ll watch a film, I’ll be here when you get back.” Stiles was already putting their dishes away as he answered. 

“Thanks.” His dad said softly and turned to Derek. “I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t worry.” Derek shrugged, he didn’t really know what to say. Should he tell him about teaching his only son to fight? maybe tomorrow he would drop by to speak to him about it. Maybe Stiles would tell him instead? The Sheriff headed out and Derek looked at Stiles as he headed to the living room, he could sense his emotions, the fear, the anxiety, the loneliness. Feelings Derek knew too well, which was why he sat down beside a shocked Stiles and asked what film they were going to watch together.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay. Been really busy with work, and my anxiety has been playing up so much i haven't felt in the mood to write :( Hope this is okay!

Chapter 8 

“Please...Please let me go… Stop it...Please…” Stiles’ voice was loud, panicked. It made Derek jump with a start. He looked around, catching up with his senses and rushed to the armchair where the young boy was writhing on the large cushioned chair. Derek bit his lip, his heart ached at what he was seeing. Stiles skin pale and sweat covered, his hands making fists so tight Derek could smell blood from the boys palms. “Don’t let it in. Please...Leave me alone... I don’t...Don’t hurt him please… DEREK!” Stiles woke up as Derek’s hand touched his face. 

“Shhh...Just a dream. I’ve got you.” Derek whispered as he pulled the shaking boy into his arms. “Calm down, listen to my heart. I’ve got you. You’re safe.” Derek cradled him against his chest. He could hear his rushing heart loud like a drum beat in his ears, he could feel his pulse racing. But what scared him the most was the smell of fear leaking from him. 

Stiles didn’t move, he just stayed rigid against him. He was faintly aware that his head was buried in Derek’s chest, he could feel his heart beat and he tried to anchor him to it, to try and calm down. But he couldn’t. Behind his eyes were red, blood red. All he could see was pain. Blood. Fire. “Calm down, please Stiles calm down.” Derek whispered in his ear, and it was soothing and Stiles felt his breathing slow just a little. Derek felt it too and the older man sighed in relief. “That’s it Stiles, I’m here, no one is hurt. No one is in danger. I’ve got you. Come back to me.” Stiles blinked his eyes, fresh tears wetting Derek’s top. Stiles couldn’t bring himself to look up at him, he just reached out and wound his hand under Derek’s top and pressed his cold fingers to Derek’s hot skin. “That’s it. You’re okay.” Derek whispered and rubbed his back. 

Twenty minutes passed and the boys were in the same position. Stiles had been so quiet and still against him, Derek thought he had fallen back to sleep. “Derek?” Stiles voice was soft and quiet and Derek looked down to see those big brown eyes looking up at him. 

“Are you okay?” Derek asked quietly. 

“Yeah...I’m sorry.” Stiles whispered and pulled away slowly. 

“Don’t be sorry. Easy,” Derek said gently and helped him so he was sat back on the arm chair. Derek didn’t move away from him, he just sat by the chair and looked up at him. “Are your nightmares always like that?” He asked softly. 

“Mostly...Sometimes longer.” He said quietly. “Sometimes...I don’t know whether I’m waking up, or still stuck there. This right now...I don’t even know if it’s real.” 

“It’s real.” Derek assured him. Stiles just shrugged weakly against him. “How do you know if you’re awake or dreaming?” 

“Fingers.” Stiles whispered shakily. 

“Okay...What do you mean?” Derek frowned, watching him closely. 

“You have more fingers in your dreams.” Stiles whispered. 

“Okay...Let’s count your fingers.” Derek knelt up and took Stiles hands in his. “One…” He tugged gently on each finger as he counted. “Five and Five.” He said linking his fingers with his own. “You’re awake, Stiles. This is real.” 

Stiles nodded and looked down at their entwined fingers. “Then why do I feel like I’m dreaming?” He said with a shy smile. Derek smiled back softly, he could feel Stiles’ heart racing, though this wasn’t out of fear but something else. 

“It’s not a dream.” Derek repeated. He stood up and tugged Stiles up a little and moved them so he was sitting on the chair and Stiles was in his lap. The boy had lost so much weight the past couple of months he fit in almost scarily. Derek wrapped his arms around him and grabbed a blanket from the side and draped it around them both. “You are exhausted. You need to close your eyes, and I am going to be right here.”

“You’re not going to leave?” Stiles whispered, sounding so young and lost. 

“I’ll be right here. As long as you need me.” Derek promised, and stroked his hair out of his face. “And when you wake up, we will start training.” 

“Training?” Stiles frowned cutely, nestling his head into the crook of his neck. He was so tired, and so comfortable. If Derek just kept hold of him and kept talking he would be safe. 

“You want to learn to fight don’t you?” Derek whispered and Stiles just nodded. “We’ll start tomorrow once you have a good nights sleep.” 

“Okay.” Stiles yawned and soon he was already asleep. Derek looked down at him and smiled, there was no pain etched on his face, he was in a dreamless sleep, the first in months. 

 

The Sheriff walked in early the next morning, the first thing he could hear was snores. A sound that took him by surprise, it had been so long since he had seen his son sleeping, the usual annoying sound just made him smile. He walked into the living room and raised an eyebrow, Derek and his son were cuddled into each other, hands holding each other. 

“Shit…” Derek cursed his eyes blinking open as he sensed Stiles dad watching him. 

“It’s okay. Calm down.” The sheriff laughed lightly. “I didn’t expect you to still be here…” 

“We fell asleep watching a film. Stiles...He had a nightmare.” Derek said looking down as he remembered how much pain the young boy had been in. 

“He has them every night.” The Sheriff whispered and sat on the sofa watching his son, even though he was in a peaceful sleep, he could still see how much pain his son was in. “He never falls asleep again though.” 

“Once I was sat with him like this he fell asleep.” Derek said feeling the need to explain why he was like this. “I’m sorry…” 

“Please don’t apologise.” Stiles father said gently. “Thank you for staying. How long has he been asleep?” 

“Erm...About six hours?” Derek said blinking at the clock and then nodded. 

“Longest he’s had in a while. Thank you.” The Sheriff said with a gentle expression on his face. “I’ll put the kettle on and some breakfast.” 

“Thank you.” Derek said and sat back in the chair, he couldn’t help but smile as Stiles moved even closer to him. He could get used to this. he really could.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay in posting :\

Chapter 9 

Stiles fell on the floor in an ungraceful heap. Every bone in his body was screaming for him to stop, he was sore; tired, sweating. But this was the best he had felt in a very long time. “Up. Come on.” Derek was standing over him, his grey sweat pants hanging teasingly low on his hips. When Stiles had first saw him he had instantly felt a little intimidated. Derek looked strong and well Stiles wasn’t ashamed to say he thought Derek looked bloody hot in the sweat pants, and he himself looked scrawny and stupid in his baggy shorts and lacrosse tee. Derek hadn’t commented on what he was wearing why should he? but maybe Stiles might have saw a small smile as he walked into Derek’s loft. 

Stiles took the hand that was there for him and pulled himself out. His breath was coming out in pants and he knew he probably stunk, but really he didn’t care. “Want to go again? You’re getting better.” Derek said softly. 

“I suck.” Stiles breathed. “This is harder than I thought it would be.” He said honestly. 

“It’s okay. You’re body is still recuperating, so is your mind. You’re not as strong as you used to be, and that’s because of what is in here.” He reached forward and tapped on his head. “That’s what’s stopping you.” 

“I don’t know what you mean.” Stiles frowned, he tried not to think about was his stomach was doing as Derek touched his face, his fingers resting gently on his temple. 

“You’re blocking yourself from moving on. And you like the feeling that your body is getting when you get pushed down. You think that’s what you deserve…” 

“It…” 

“Don’t even say it.” Derek said, knowing the young boy was going to put himself down. “Come on, punching bag.” Derek led him over to the punching bag in the far corner of the room. 

“Can we have a break after?” Stiles asked, they had been doing this for almost three hours with no break and Stiles didn’t think he could do anything else. He was envious of Derek’s wolfish stamina. 

“Depends how good you are.” Derek winked and Stiles blushed. There was that feeling in his stomach again. 

Stiles nodded. As Derek was showing him the correct stance, how to punch without hurting his knuckles and all of this ducking and weaving, Stiles couldn’t help but want to be able to do this for Derek. To prove to Derek that he wanted this, that he wanted to get better, but mostly to thank him for everything that he was doing for him. Yes his dad was there unconditionally for him, and he was so grateful for that, and yes, Scott was texting him every day asking if there was anything he needed if he wanted to come over. But really they were his family so they should be doing that; but Derek...He wasn’t really even his friend but now he felt as though he could confide in him more than anyone. 

“Okay...We can take a break.” Derek said another hour later. He grabbed a bottle of water and threw it to him, Stiles caught it clumsily and sat down against the wall. His body was burning but he wasn’t complaining. He wanted to hold onto this feeling. 

“Hey Derek…” Stiles breathed a few minutes later. He finally felt as though his heart was beating at a normal rate. 

“Yeah?” Derek asked turning his head and looking at him. His face as calm and beautiful as ever. 

“Why are you helping me so much?” Stiles asked. He had asked the question before, but right now he really needed to hear the answer again. 

“Because you really don’t deserve anything you’ve been through. And you’re a good person.” Derek said softly. “I know we’ve never really been close, but that doesn’t mean that I’ve ever disliked you. I just didn’t know how to be around you.” Derek said honestly. 

“I don’t understand.” Stiles frowned. 

“I put up with Scott because of what Peter did to him...I felt bad for him. But you...I felt almost worse for...You were just this innocent kid who had been sucked into this world that probably terrified you and I don’t blame you for that. You could have ran and hide, you could have disowned Scott...But you stuck by him. You… You were loyal. As Alpha that’s what you look for in your pack and I was jealous of that.” 

“I still…” 

“I’ve never felt that loyalty that you had with Scott...I’ve not felt that with anyone.” He sighed. “Then with everything that happened...I was pissed...You were broken and you...You didn’t deserve it and if i could do anything to help you pick yourself up, to get that sarcastic loyal kid back...I would.” 

Stiles stared at him open mouthed, he really hadn’t expected that. That feeling was back in his stomach making his hands tremble and his heart beat faster. He leaned forward and his lips pressed so gently against Derek’s cheek. “Thank you.” He whispered. 

 

Derek didn’t know why he had been so brutally honest with him like that. Sure he had been thinking about it for a very long time now, he had questioned himself over and over why he was trying so hard to help the young boy. Nothing had ever made him want to stop though. That’s why when Stiles kissed his cheek, he turned and caught the young boy by surprise and kissed him on the lips.


End file.
